Mourning Has Broken

I WANT TO SEE YOU NAKED

I saw you on my way to school
I know you didn't notice me so there's no need to flatter
It's clear no girl's as cool as you
Or anyone of any gender for that matter

The way you talk and think and blink
The way you walk, it can stop traffic
I know you think you're a normal girl
But every tiny little move you make is pornographic
for me
for meeeee

I wish that I could talk to you
I wish my existance wasn't so tragic
I wish I was worth talking to
But I can feel I don't deserve you as you work your magic
on me
on meeee

and I really really want to see you naked
But I don't ever want you to see me naked
I really really want to see you naked
But I don't ever want you to have to go through that

The pimples that rest on my chest
Pale and hollow with no hair on it
Nothing to cover up my slight man-breasts
Everything custom built to make you vomit
on me
All over me

Even your vomit's more of you than I deserve on me

and I really really want to see you naked
But I don't ever want you to see me naked
I really really want to see you naked
But I don't ever want you to have to go through that

I want to see your slender thighs
follow them up to your perfect breasts
I want to feel your ribcage rise
I can see it all clearly underneath your dress

I want to savour every curve
I want to see you reach behind and unhook your bra
You electrify my nerves
Could your nipples be as pink as I think they are?
In my mind
In my miiind

I really really want to see you naked
But I don't ever want you to see me naked
I really really want to see you naked
But I don't ever want you to have to go through that

I would never consider approaching you
I know that you're friendly but I don't know how
The only way I could ever get through
If if my life was directed Judd Apatow

I visualise it every day
the look of pity on your face
If I ever tried to talk to you
If you ever found out the truth
It's something that I just don't get
Why are we even on the same planet
I'm going to see you like this in my sleep
Because you are an angel and I am just a creep

I seriously mean it there is no way you'd love me
No matter what Seth Rogen tells us it's just not a possibility

I really really want to see you naked
But I don't ever want you to see me naked
I really really want to see you naked
But I don't ever want you to have to go through that

I really want to see you naked but you shouldn't have to go through that...


I AM THE KING

I am the king of this domain
population me and my brain
No need to fret that you're arsehole
Turn your lonely bedsit into a lonely castle
There is no queen
There's never been
I wouldn't know how to accept her
And so for the time bein'
I'll just sit here with my sceptre
Rub, rub, rub that sceptre
I am the king of this domain

Or maybe I'll be an astronaut
I can change my world with just one thought
Exploring space in all it's glory
Intergalatic warfare, oh so gory
Brave worlds
Slave Girls
I never meet them, it's no fun
This is where my world unfurls
So I just blast aliens with my ray-gun
Blast, blast, blast that ray gun
In space no-one can hear you cry

Or maybe I'll cross the desert land
My only friend bein' my quick hand
Throughout the wild, wild west I'll roam
A Lone Ranger, emphasis on 'lone'
And while Indian Squaws
Have me enthralled
They'd just distract me from my course
So I follow the deserts call
And I ride off on my horse
Ride, ride, ride that horse
Clean the stain up off the sofa

Hi ho, so alone
Cleaning stains off of my sofa


IT'S ALL COME TOGETHER

Everything's worked out perfect
For my boyfriend and me
I want to taxidermied
So the entire world can see

What we created out of nothing
And the life we've made ourselves
Our brains should be preserved in jars
And put on museum shelves

Don't you see?
This is everything a life should be
We've got everything we need
My boyfriend and me

It's allllllll
It's all come together
And IIIIIIII
I want to stay this way forever

A volcano could erupt
And in ash we'd be encased
And historians would marvel
At the stupid grin preserved on my face

Don't you see?
This is everything a life should be
We've got everything we need
My boyfriend and me

It's allllllll
It's alll come together
And IIIIIIII
I want to stay this way forever

I want to be plastinated
I want to be preserved in ice
So scientists from the future
Can see what happiness looks like

Don't you see?
We've become the perfect human beings
Nothing could ruin this for me
Except for maybe unplanned pregnancy

It's allllllll
It's alll come together
And IIIIIIII
I want to stay this way forever

Won't you let us stay this way forever


MORRiSSEY

I decided today to die alone
And so I dejectedly walked home
But I don't have a home anymore
I don't even have a sodding front door

My name is Morrissey
Heaven knows I'm Morrissey

After that I needed some time to think
So I went to pour myself a drink
But I don't have a cup anymore
I spilled absinthe all over the floor

My name is Morrissey
Heaven knows I'm Morrissey

If I could only lift this misery
If I could see through the fog
If I didn't write like Byron
and sound like Kermit the frog

If I could only pen some nice things with this hand
If I could form a happy, lighthearted pop band

But I don't have a band at the mo'
They said 'Cheer the fuck up' and then went home

My name is Morrissey
Heaven knows I'm Morrissey

My name is Morrissey
Heaven knows I'm...

Oh, and another thing that really, really gets me down
When you're on a plane, and they give you a choice of two sandwiches
and there's mayonaise in both of them!
What the bllody devil? What's in this one? Oh! Mayonaise... Well at least I have OH NO! Mayonaise again!
I guess I'll just go down to road to OH NO! I can't! I'm on a sodding plane!!
It really just makes me want to drink wine until I throw up, you know?!


IF YOU DON'T CRY (Magnetic Fields Cover)


HERE WE GO AGAIN

It's so sublime and so exciting
And the dark is so inviting
with it's little streaks of blue and red and green
And when you're sitting in your office
Or your classroom or your brothel
And you spot that blueish reddish greenish sheen
so let's all get our neckholes wet
We'll head down to the discotech
and have ourselves a ball and chain

Well here we go again
Let's have ourselves a ball and chain

Let's do anything to cover
That one machines much like the other
And the dark is certainly powered by machine
When it turns out your malfunction
Was programmed in over luncheon
By the scientists who control you, how obscene
so let's all dance our puppet dance
And hold those scientists in a trance
And prove to everyone you're not insane

Well here we go again
Let's have ourselves a ball and chain

I think I've missed the point here
I think I'm not seeing all the joints here
Who are the scientists that I mentioned anyway?
Is there something really so wrong
About dancing like a moron
Just so long as it's chasing your blues away
I actually really don't see how
So I think I'll shut my mouth now
But just to let you know, I think it's lame

Shall we dance again?
No, I don't like this kind of music...


ROCKSTEADY

Why I ought to punch you in the face

Why I ought to punch you in the face

Right in the kisser! Oh!

Right in the kisser! Oh!

Right in the kisser! Oh!

Right in the kisser! You cunt!

I want punch your stupid mouth!

I want to punch your stupid eyes!

I want to punch you in the brain!

So that it can't think up any more new lies!

I want to punch you in the face tonight!

I'm gonna make you bleed alright!

And if by any chance you survive!

I'm going make you sorry to be alive!

By punching you in the face some more...

Right in the kisser!

Right in the kisser!

Right in the kisser!

Then I'm gonna kiss you

on the penis


ERIC THE BASTARD

Eric the bastard!
He's the viking king!
Eric the bastard!
Wielder of the thing.

The thing was in a cavern beneath norways rocky cliffs
And Eric was nothing but a skinny teen
But then he found the thing, or did the thing find him?
Now he's the greatest warrior that youve ever seen

He's brave, he's strong
He can construct a bong
Out of a bisons horn
He pillages and rapes
Like a crazy deranged ape
Pray you don't feel his scorn

With his trademark pointy hat (which contrary to popular belief
Was worn all the time, not just for ceremonies)
He shisk-kebabed some babies and he put them in a stew
And used it to lure a moteley band of cronies

There was one place that he knew needed his leading hand
It was the snowy, fridgid place that experts call Greenland
Experts know it is called so after the colour your legs go
After gangrene claims you and you hear that valkerie band

OOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Eric the bastard!
The worlds mighiest man!
Eric the bastard!
Went to conquer Greenland!

The mutant polar bear mafia had heard of Erics plot
They spent the night setting up their traps
When Erics long boat came to shore and his crew jumped out
What they saw near made their hearts collapse

But Eric he did not flinch once
Ate that zombie army up for lunch
And went to find the leader of the bears

He's brave, he's strong
He can compose a song
About any subject that you chose
Unless you chose pigeons
Because Eric doesn't like pigeons
If you chose pigeons, Eric will fucking kill you

The Mutant Polar Bear was a reasonable guy
By which I mean he reasoned he should kill
In a most unpleasant way, our crafty hero of today
Will Eric win this one? Of course he will

With his thing in hand he cut up that polar bear
One minute there was a bear and the next he wasn't there
And Eric sat down in the bossmans chair

And Eric ruled over this land with his usual aplomb
Pillaging igloos, raping penguins, just like the old don
But Eric knew he needed more, for his life to have a perfect score
And the valkerie band played on

OOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Eric the bastard!
Now begins chapter 3!
Eric the bastard!
In which Eric... learns to ski?

Eric was skiing down a hill, the thing still in his grasp
When suddenly a buxom maiden
Skiied past Eric and he gasped
"It is the Valkerie that I've been seeing in dreams!"
She stole his thing up[on which he said "Oh Arse!"

Eric chased the woman out to sea, his strength was getting lower
She moored up at an iceberg in her ship of gold
Eric's strength had been sapped and at her feet he collapsed
And they made love in the freezing blistering cold

He's brave, he's strong
His dong is pretty long
He can keep it up for quite some time
He's aloso generous
But he'll stab your cliterous
If he finds out you've ever worked as a mime

I don't fucking know

Eric and his lady were married next June
And Eric knew his life was now complete
Eric and his Valkerie then retired to Tennesea
where she made sculptures made of human feet

And as for the thing
I hear you ask
What was the thing?
I hear you ask
The thing was a thing
That you need to be a king
It was the passion that Eric held in his heart
And a magical amulet that gave him toxic farts

Eric the bastard!
His tale is at an end
Eric the bastard!
As much as you pretend
That Eric the bastard's
Place is history is a myth
Eric the bastard's
Alive and well in our hearts...
and pretty miffed


AN OPENING

*sound of a door being unlatched*